Jewish ceremonies
in a non-ceremonial age

Often people don't think about tradition or ritual or ceremony until something Big hits them, like a child's coming of age or a marriage. Then paralysis strikes. Facing an Important Event (if you want to sound more Jewish you call it a simcha, which means celebration) everyone know it's time to do something special - but what?

This is NOT a picture of Mappamundi but it's inspirational, don't you think?!

• You wouldn't serve canned food - and you shouldn't serve canned music. One of the ways people mark a special event is by providing special luxuries, and real musicians should be at the top of your list! Not a DJ playing the same old stuff you hear on the radio. For centuries, celebrations "eynem orem oder raykh" (whether rich or poor) have been marked by the presence of real, live musicians who can respond to the mood of the event and heighten it!

• From a duo to a quintet, Mappamundi has played at many Jewish weddings and b'nei mitzvot. Some have been small quiet affairs, some huge and raucous. You choose an atmosphere that suits the people involved.

• Local rabbis are on a campaign to have more meaningful music played at simchas, and to bring a stronger Jewish flavor to the events. This makes for a beautiful event, appreciated by all participants, Jewish and non-Jewish alike.

• Along with traditional Israeli, Klezmer, and Yiddish songs and instrumentals, Mappamundi can bring other kinds of music to your event. Our families have become increasingly global, and members from far-flung places appreciate a touch of home. We have played Spanish boleros, Russian songs of pre- or post-Revolutionary eras, Celtic dance music, Louis Armstrong and Peggy Lee. With advance notice, we do requests, and can even provide backup for someone special who would like to sing a song.

Special Jewish Wedding traditions you could consider:

We can teach a nigun (wordless tune) to the assembled guests and they hum or sing it as the wedding begins.

There might be riotous music after the signing of the Ketubah.

Following the signing, the bride and groom might be settled in two separate areas with their respective friends, entertained by music (the band splits up). There are lovely slow tunes for the Kale Bazetsn (the seating of the bride), a meditative time during which she is greeted by friends. The groom's group, usually noisier, eventually heads towards the bride; she and her companions hear the approaching parade of the groom and his men, cutting up and singing, led by the musicians. He puts the veil over the bride's face (the bedekn) and the band leads the guests to the chupa. (More commonly, of course, the band is seated near the chupa playing contemplative instrumental music for a prelude as the guests arrive and are seated.)

A song like "Dodi Li," "Erev Shel Shoshanim," or "Yerushalayim Shel Zahav" is often requested for the bride's entrance. Sometimes the bride circles the groom seven times to the sensual accompaniment of a slow hora.

Songs or tunes with special significance sometimes are interspersed through the ceremony.

Up-tempo, joyous instrumentals at the end of the ceremony set the mood as the wedding couple and their families retire. "Kol Rino" is a popular choice.

At some weddings, at the reception area the band strikes up the traditiona Od Yishoma melody, announcing the entrance of the bride and groom into the hall. They are lifted on chairs (at orthodox events, in the separate areas for men and women) and set down in the center of the dance space. These first dances are simple ones so that everybody, old and young, may fulfill the mitsvah of rejoincing with the bride and groom. Then freylekhs begin, lively dances, and then a mekhutonim tants (dance with in-laws and other family members)

Music for the reception: background music, dance music (folk dancers, waltzers, and ballroom dancers can be accommodated), wedding songs, requests, miscellaneous delights.

Ritual dances expected by most assemblages include the Israeli hora (Hava Nagila is NOT the only one!) and the chair dance. The guests usually form a circle around the bride and groom who are held aloft and danced around, sometimes holding a handkerchief together. A nice touch is a dance (often freeform in our experience!) where the bride's friends start dancing in one line and the groom's friends start dancing in another and they weave their lines together. Listen to our sound samples.

B'nei Mitzvot

So your son or daughter is going to turn thirteen? Time for a Bar Mitzvah (boy) or Bat Mitzvah (girl)? Here is the puzzle: what kind of event can make both teenagers and adults happy? Obviously, the fewer things you have in common with your particular new teenager and cohorts, the fewer answers there are to that question. We sympathize.

In our experience, the two approaches guaranteed to alienate the most attendants are those at two extremes:

• Events catered exclusively to the kids, with loud canned music, sleazy excess, and kids running all over the place.

• Stiff, formal adult events, rich in status symbols, where the kids' wishes are totally subjugated to the parents' need to impress their peers and relatives.

Best is to acknowledge, in advance,that several groups must be served. Parents and child should negotiate in a flexible, mature way (parents should provide the good exampe!). Who does this party celebrate and honor? The child, of course, but also the people who have worked hard to make this day happen: the parents, the grandparents to whom both generations owe a debt, the community at large which by its attendance respects and honors the child's accomplishments and willingness to join that very community.

We as parents need to give the kids room to blow off steam and celebrate in their own way - but we also see their willingness to participate in rituals of politeness and gratitude as part of the transition to adulthood.

The most successful events are put on by families where everyone's preferences are acknowledged. The child accepts the parents' tastes, and vice versa. We also see that often the teenagers will find themselves enjoying the traditional aspects of the event (for instance, the chair dance) more than they expected.

Mappamundi tries to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. We enjoy providing traditional Jewish music, but we also enjoy making kids happy.

If you will accept nothing but chamber music and your child is screaming for a rock singer with safety pinned nostrils, we can't help you. But if your family unit can negotiate successfully, we certainly offer a wider range of music than most bands for you to choose from!

Jane Peppler, director of the lay cantors at Temple Judea Reform, can chant at your child's service, and members of the Triangle Jewish Chorale, several of whom are cantors, are able to provide music at your service as well.

Feel free to contact Mappamundi to discuss your particular situation:
Send us email
or call 919-383-8952 or write:

Jane Peppler
5301 Cedronella Drive
Chapel Hill NC 27514

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